this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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