discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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