you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
