Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
