I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
