We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
