I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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