Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
