Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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