he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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