i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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