I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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