M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
