from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
