he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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