Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
