Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
