Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
