I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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