Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
