I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
