Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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