My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I love having hate sex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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