btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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