Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
