just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
