my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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