so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
