Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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