My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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