i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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