Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think pants incapable of making pants work
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
