There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
