He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
