my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
