yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
