I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
