Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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