You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Cover your peen. We're going out.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
