Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
