i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
