Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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