I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
