he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
