was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
