i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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