Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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