Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
