A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She bit a glass in half.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
