I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
