Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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