I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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