I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
