I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
