you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
