If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
