Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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