Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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