he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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