We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can you bring me the toilet please
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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