Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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