why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
