my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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