im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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