Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
