Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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