i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
did you just send me my own nude
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
