and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
