i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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