That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
