Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
