Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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