Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
