so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
A bitchslap is in order.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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