it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
