I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Found the puke drawer
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
