Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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