The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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