hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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