i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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