dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
