No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
