Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
