She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
