I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
