So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Acid is not a monday night drug
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm both gender and math confused
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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